Complacency can be mistaken for a soul mate. So can lust. Or the perfect pizza. Nature – or DNA if you prefer – has many devious and subtle tricks of ensuring the genetic material is passed through the generations. What seems to be the ultimate test of human survival, a long-term relationship together, is often cloaked in the mystique of love. That, and the catch-phrase, ‘Soul Mate’. It compensates for many shortcomings. For to be a soul mate requires a suspension of disbelief and an unwavering view in the decency and goodness of your partner. It’s not only having faith in them, it’s having faith in your own judgment. It is always easier to blame yourself rather than them if the relationship falls apart. Nor is it likely, or even desired, to be limited to only one soul mate. It may be that the entire notion is archaic.
But there is something valid in the notion of the soul mate that is beyond poetry and flowers. Even though physics tells us that the observer cannot see without altering the outcome, unlike particles and waves, the observed has free will to resist. Why do two people connect? There are chemical reasons – pheromones seeking like honeybees and returning to the hive mind to dance the message of consummation – but those do not tell the entire story. Nor do intellectual reasons in this age of electronic communication. How can you know? How can a single glance/thought impart an infinite cascade of information that within a fraction of time yields the answer: He/She is the One? Nothing in our experiences of human existence can fully explain attraction. It is obviously very faulty and through the eons societies have sought to control the raw selection process, but in the end, there is in fact something beyond science, beyond faith, driving us out into the world of emotions. We search for a soul mate, and even when finding them, there always remains a slight nagging deep in the heart. Are we supposed to be together? What if I was wrong?