“Can’t let go”
There is a fine line at the junction of anger and hate. It’s hard to let go. Hard to understand the past is past and nothing; no therapy, no drugs, nothing can ever erase the pain of abuse. Anger fuels despair. The hopeless feelings of worthlessness lead to self-abuse and suicide. Hate of them becomes hate of self. The meeting point of these two powerful emotions becomes not a way-point but a permanent dwelling of shame. To forgive them is not a betrayal nor an acceptance of the abuse. It is an essential step away from the junction and towards healing the open wounds. Forgiving does not mean going back, forgiving does not mean continuing as a victim. Without forgiveness of self, the anger and hate will ultimately consume whatever remnant of hope still flickers in the soul.
Authors note: This was written years ago but I have always struggled with the inner emotional soundtrack laid down in childhood. Right now due to the changing seasons I am dealing with depression and anxiety and that is why I have not been commenting on your posts.