On my tenth anniversary of understanding I was a multiple personality, I posted “where do you live?” as an explanation with a link to Rose’s blog. As a multiple personality, over the past decade, we have become comfortable in our identity. I consider myself to be normal, the fact that five other personalities exist in my interior psyche, one being a woman, is not something I really think about anymore.
When we first were trying to sort out all the different voices, we settled on two different ways of coping. The first is that as ‘Brian’, I am the bus driver. I am the personality you see in person and who writes poetry and fiction on this blog. I am the name that takes care of my disabled wife. I pay the bills, cook the meals, clean the house, drive her to doctors appointments ten times a month. If you would ever meet me, you would think I am rather ordinary. My job is to steer the collective in a safe and sane manner.
The second way of coping, is they – the other five personalities – live in a house together. The interior is personalized to each one’s taste, they all have separate rooms, and generally speaking, they get along by ignoring each other. Rose has the final say when disputes arise. The key aspect in all this, is that I – Brian – am not allowed inside except by invitation when a family meeting is required. What they do all day I have no idea. As long as it does not impact the way I relate to the world at large, they can do anything they want.
There is one exception. Rose. She has as much right to exist as I do. Her interior head-space is so different from mine that, were we to fight for control, the results would be… not good, shall we say. From the very first moment I realized Dewy Knickers, that is one of her personalities online, the other is Bawdy Wench, was a real woman, I told her she could come out any time she wanted. That includes writing and speaking. She’s also driven our car on occasion. For the most part these days, she is content to observe and request certain activities.
I bring all this up, because the beginning of the year is always cause for reflection. 2016 was a very difficult year. Being a full-time caretaker has changed many things. The fact that I can write this is indicative of being home all day instead of in the workforce.
But you know something? I like being a multiple personality. It makes me – Brian – a better person.