Buy low, sell high, free advice with breakfast!

“After the feast!”

Bring forth the soothsayer, in these dark days,
we command thee now no more a deep haze,
speak up, tell us of events yet to come
from me to you shall receive a tidy sum
I have seen the future and it looks bright,
repeat after me, might makes right,
seven hundred years Your Majesty will pass
and all that gold will go towards gas
in the coming centuries lost is your name,
but who cares, life is but a game,
so says the soothsayer Sony!

Another cry across the land,
let the sibyl stand forth
and give her course
for it is said if a woman doth vow
to obey her master
without having a cow
then harmony reigns
and all will sleep tight
his firm hand tonight
What a load of crap, this ruler doth spout
truth be told he is a lout
for in distant years
another shall rise
a woman it seems
grasping a prize
the vote to the people
so says Hillary Sibyl

Tell me a saga oh wise auspex
I have heard you know
why the cock crows
for many a moon
I’ve thrust most lustily
but none of my
nightingales have
stomachs grown
I find it hard
to maintain my desire
so tell the truth
else it’s the fire
Oh great one with
lance so keen
of birds I’ve seen
what you must do
take this blue dropping
when you are drooping
soon you’ll be popping
are my name’s not
Viagra

Where hides the seer I have much to ask
the God above has laid forth my task
my enemies I must smite
and with great delight
send them all to hell
women and children as well
none left alive
for we shall strive
to crush and maim
it’s always the same
victory is ours
or my name’s not Lars
Yes great leader
it is very true
off to war you go
and very soon
but the God is fickle
and the deaths
you cause
shall haunt you ever
so says best-selling author of your biography who calls you Lars the Idiot

All rise for the Divine Ruler, all make obsequence to the
almighty Emperor, the mind and heart of our country,
the one, the only
Give it up for Trump the Magnificent
as always, a truly brilliant introduction, now
utter your findings haruspex
and you’d better show a return
on my investments
my market research of the goat entrails
some names to keep in mind
in far off barbarian lands
there will arise
a market called bull
where vast hoards
of cash reside
so with your wisdom
see so clear
buy Facebook and Apple
Exxon too
for the future is clear
buy stocks and hold
that is the ticket
to wealth
so speaks the
goat entrails

(please read the prospectus before investing and don’t cut the head off your haruspex when a recession happens on his watch)